Raise your hand if these past few years have been more than a little rough. Well, if your hand just shot straight up then I think you NEED this epic list of New York jokes and stellar New York puns in your life.
After all, the pandemic of doom has thrown us all for a wicked awful loop that we need at least a brief respite from.
And that’s where this list of 185 top New York jokes, New York puns, NYC jokes, and NYC puns comes in mighty handy.
Sure, some NYC jokes and NYC puns are better than others, but you know what? Some are so bad/cringeworthy that they’re actually really good.
Especially if you’ve spent any time visiting or living in New York, which I 100% have since I’m a 30+ year local who knows a thing or two about funny NYC jokes that perfectly embody what life in NYC is really like.
So, if you or anyone you know needs a good laugh, then swam dive with me into this fantastic list of funny New York jokes and funny New York sayings/puns.
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After all, this past year has been a wild ride and I don’t want you to lose money because government regulations have changed.
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Therefore, find an insurance agency that covers travel changes related to COVID-19, like my two all-time faves World Nomads and Safety Wing. You can also read more about which policy is right for you in my full review here.
New York Jokes
If you need a good belly laugh then check out this list of the best New York jokes out there today. It’s filled with funny New York jokes that are sure to make you smile.
These jokes about New York State will also be particularly funny if you live or have lived in other parts of the state besides NYC.
1. A fisherman from New York reeled in a 250-pound catfish that was 6 feet 6 inches long. Honestly, I don’t get the big deal. I do this every day on Tinder.
2. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. So, yeah. Go Bills!
3. The fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.
I don’t get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.
4. Where do eggs go on vacation? New Yolk.
5. Why is “The Wave” banned in the Carrier Dome? Two Orangemen fans drowned last year.
6. I just returned from a trip in Germany, and I realized just how awful American children are. Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder.
7. NYC looks terrible in the mornings. But I guess that’s because it’s the city that never sleeps.
8. When fat cows go on vacation, where do they go? Moo York.
9. What did the old New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? “You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!”
10. In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? Statin island.
11. Why aren’t Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? They stick to the ground.
12. When a blonde moves from New Jersey to New York, what happens? It makes both states smarter!
13. In Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean west? It’s because New York sucks.
14. On the University of Buffalo campus, what do you call a good-looking girl? A visitor.
15. How hard is it to drive a computer from Toronto to New York? Yeah, it’s be a hard drive.
16. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorker’s God-given right.
17. Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? To park in handicap spaces.
18. What’s a dog’s favorite state? New Yorkie.
19. Why don’t Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? Because crap floats.
20. What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of? Yawn.
21. Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? To wake up oily.
22. Studies recently showed that New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny.
23. Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes.
The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny.
24. Think New Yorkers can’t get along? I just saw two strangers share a cab…one took the battery and the other took the radio and tires.
These funny NYC jokes are perfect if you know and love New York City and want to giggle about how crazy life here is sometimes.
So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile.
25. Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
26. My health led me to move to New York City. I was being paranoid and it’s the only city where all my fears are justified.
27. A nanosecond in NYC is the time it takes the car behind you to honk their horn when you’re sitting at a red light that has just turned green.
28. After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate? Boss!
29. I got invited to a ball drop in NYC last night. Turns out it was a bar mitzvah.
30. Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone.
31. What distinguishes Middle Earth from New York City? Two Towers.
32. It’s so cold in NYC today that flashers are just describing themselves.
33. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. Wait, how is that not an even number?
34. How do you describe an NYC bike that has been sitting in the sun for hours? Tire-less.
35. Because it was so hot in NYC today. the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to please put her arm down.
36. Is there a differences between New York Giants fans andTrump supporters? Yeah, New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks.
37. The Big Apple can’t play chess since it’s missing two towers.
38. Eve wanted to leave Eden and move to New York, but why? Because the Big Apple captivated her.
39. What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? No one could find three wise men or a virgin.
40. Why do people from India like New York? Because there’s a Delhi on every block.
41. NYC is an exciting place where something mysterious is always happening…most of these instances remain unsolved.
42. NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell.
43. In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space.
44. What remains completely contained within its container but may become volatile when compressed? Commuters in the New York City subway.
45. What is the best way to get from Boston to NYC? Follow the path south until you smell sh*t and west until you step in it.
46. The Big Apple is home to what kind of hipsters? Bookworms.
47. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
48. In New York…it’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress!
49. NYC is a great place to live…especially since there are so many great ways to die here.
50. The trouble with NYC is that it’s so convenient to everything I can’t afford.
51. There’s so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick.
52. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
53. My great grandmother worked on the Underground Railroad…But since she lived in NYC, we just called it the subway.
54. New Years in NYC really sucked this year. Yeah, they really dropped the ball.
55. A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says “I haven’t eaten in three days”. She instantly says, “where do you get that kind of self control?”
56. Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? Because that’s where the mini apple is!
57. New Yorkers are confusing. Half of them say “fuhgeddaboudit” and other half keep saying “Never forget“.
New York Puns Captions
Love a good play on words? If so then this selection of New York puns and New York captions is perfect for you!
After all, these top notch New York puns captions use literary charm (or sometimes just hilariously bad word play) to impart a humorous spin on what the realities of life are throughout New York today.
58. Made it to the Statue of Liberty. But it was a-boat time.
59. Empire State Building? Push. More like Empire Great Building.
60. The street art in New York is very ad-mural-able.
61. Arch you glad you’re in New York?
62. Now York hot dogs are total wieners.
63. The cold in New York is snow joke.
64. When you visit New York in winter, it makes a good frost impression.
65. Why, hello deli!
66. Trips to New York are super taxi-ing on your wallet.
67. Great Lake expectations.
68. Just call it New Amsterdam*!
69. New York, I’m sure our paths will croissant again.
70. Yachts that all about?
71. Going on a trip to New York takes a lot of dough.
72. In New York, vegan puns are always super corn-y.
73. Words can’t espresso how much New York means to me.
74. Well, scoops I did it again.
75. The East Coast is the best toast.
76. You know, just taking cheesy selfies in New York.
77. I’m gonna be Frank. New York has tasty hot dogs.
78. Always relish the good times in New York.
79. What a brew-tiful day in New York.
80. Taco about a good trip to New York.
81. You know, everything in New York is just so pitcher perfect.
82. We are living the High Line!
83. New York is divine but Staten island floats my boat!
84. In winter, Paris is the city of lights but New York is the city of tights!
85. If you want to make a great frost impression go to New York!
86. New York isn’t taxi-ing to your wallet. It can burn a hole straight through it!
87. I’m so glad we MET.
88. Stop Yankee-ng my chain.
89. Turns out the truth was hidden in train sight.
90. I use a BMW to travel New York. Bus – Metro – Walk
91. You gotta taste the Big Apple.
92. Queens for the day.
93. Soho-w are you doing?
94. New York stole a pizza my heart!
95. Central park certainly perks me up.
96. New York is so pitcher perfect.
97. New York looks crappy in the mornings. What did you expect from a city that never sleeps?
98. Finally made it to Staten island. I would say it boat-time!
99. If you’ve been t New York, you know that vegan puns are so corny!
100. Nothing twists my mind like New York pretzels.
101. Feeling loopy? Try the New York pretzels.
102. First Time-rs Square is the place to be.
103. The Brooklyn flea market is just a hop skip and a jump away.
104. I’m Central Park-ing here. I love the view.
105. The views in Central park couldn’t be NYC-er.
106. Looking for total wieners? You don’t have to go far. Try the the NYC hotdogs.
107. There’s only so much you can cannoli in Little Italy.
108. Let’s cross the bridge when we come to it.
109. Ever watched how the Brooklyn bridge was built? It is riveting!
110. New Amsterdam is my kinda jam!
111. I love staring at the Brooklyn bridge. It is my favorite thing on cable.
112. If you make the Brooklyn bridge smaller, is it abridged now?
113. Don’t surprise me on Brooklyn bridge. The suspension is giving me anxiety.
114. Crossing the Brooklyn bridge really takes a toll on you.
115. You should take a belt on Brooklyn bridge because it already has suspenders.
New York City Puns & NYC Puns
Wanna get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York City puns? Heck yeah you do! That’s because these NYC puns are hilarious.
Sometimes, these NYC puns and New York jokes are so over-the-top bad that they’re actually good. So, stop for 2.5 seconds and do something nice for yourself by reading through this awesome New York puns now.
116. Can I get an ice cream cone-y?
117. Dollar Slice at ya boy!
118. Did you lox the door?
119. Don’t take a pizza my heart!
120. You and whose Grand Army?
121. In New York it’s always raining Katz and dogs.
122. You down with BEC? Yeah, you know me.
123. I always falafel after drinking all night.
124. Slice, slice baby.
125. Stop! You’re Jamaica-n me crazy.
126. Keep Palm Too and Carry On.
127. Loving my trip to the Big Apple-tini.
128. There’s only so much you can Cannoli do in Little Italy.
129. That’s a great Greenpoint.
130. Let’s go to new Heights.
131. Just gonna take my horse to the Old Town Bar.
132. I’d like an Ice Cream Coney.
133. Wo Hop to the left.
134. Don’t get in a Tiff-any’s.
135. Who has this Brighton idea anyway?
136. No crepes til Brooklyn!
137. We all need a good Murray friend.
138. Gotta Rockwell the Casbah.
139. Stop Yankee-ng my chain.
140. , thanks for everything bagels.
141. Let me guess, you’re a Gramercy Nazi?
142. 30 Rock and Roll.
143. Tell me, what’s this Woolworth?
144. I’m glad we MET.
145. You always seem to Ramble on.
146. Be sure not to harbor any ill will.
147. Tex-Mex and the City
148. Wham! BAM! Thank you, Ma’am.
149. I like my Prospects in NYC.
150. Ferry on my wayward son.
151. Spill the Liber-tea.
152. Just a bridge too far.
153. Living the High Line.
154. That’s quite a Roosevelt you have going on.
155. What a bodega body.
156. MOMA money, mo’ problems.
157. Central Bark.
158. No, you’re not Dumbo.
159. Central Park-ing my car.
160. First, do no Harlem.
161. Park Slope? More like no parking slope.
162. Red Hook line and sinker.
163. I’m not happy but I’m definitely not Madison either.
164. Oculus Prime.
165. First Time-rs Square
166. Staten Island really floats my boat.
167. This little piggy went to the Brooklyn Flea Market.
168. Aaron Burr, it’s cold in here.
169. I’d like a bed time Astoria please!
170. Wharton you talking about?
171. Sorry, we’re out of Stock.
172. Queens for a day.
173. In winter, NYC is the city of tights.
174. Hey, can I use your Flatiron?
175. I don’t think things could get any Bleeker.
176. Time for a Bed-Stuy story.
177. Kids in the City Hall.
178. New York pretzels leave my heart in twists.
179. I’m seeing Greene!
180. I’d like to donate some Plaza.
181. SoHo about getting out of here?
182. You have a rye sense of humor.
183. Yeah, I can’t see the Forest Hills for the trees.
184. Can’t get nothing Pastrami at Katz Deli.
185. Enjoying every New York minute
Additional New York Resources
- 50+ Interesting Facts about NYC
- 150+ Quotes and Captions about New York
- 30+ Best Books about NYC
- Best Rooftop Brunch In NYC
- Best Paris Puns